Let's Talk about Kitchen Wallpaper

Once upon a time, long ago in the 1980s, in the far-off land of Massachusetts, some simple soul put a lovely addition on the kitchen of my home, and - I assume with a great deal of love and warmth - selected wallpaper with which to ruin adorn the walls of the kitchen. Either they picked a print of enormous pink and yellow roses, or they picked a pattern of enormous pink and white roses, and then smoked in the room for 30 years. I don't know which choice troubles me more.

As I mentioned before, for some reason I have no pictures of my kitchen cabinets. Please hold while I go take a round of befores...("Girl from Ipanema" plays while we wait.)

Thank you for holding. Behold my kitchen! (Yes, I had to take cell phone pictures because I suddenly live in the Bermuda Triangle of digital cameras.)

This is as much of my kitchen you can see at once because of the small size and awkward layout.

This here is a closeup of the wallpaper. I started pulling wallpaper and left nothing to show in a good picture.

So when my temporary housemates moved out and left a big empty space where once a baker's rack stood, I couldn't help but continue the wallpaper-removal process that had been begun, in patches, by someone in the past. I have a theory that the previous owner, a single man my age, used to get drunk and do home improvement. The evidence includes paint on the back door window, peeling paint in every room, and wallpaper torn from the kitchen in a fit of...what? Good taste, maybe.

So yes, the kitchen has always looked terrible. Thank you for asking.

Next steps:
-Borrow a steamer from a friend and tackle the rest of this paper in stages
-Re-tape and mud the drywall, I think, because the tape is peeling off with the paper
-Prime the living hell out of the yellowed drywall
-Paint it, maybe some kind of sunny yellow

In the future:
-Remove the acoustic tile
-Finish the ceiling with drywall and maybe box in the beam hidden by the drop ceiling
-Replace the aluminum-framed casement window with a double-hung
-Move the cabinets up 6 inches
-Put down any other kind of flooring than the stained, yellowed vinyl that makes me want to wear shoes all the time, no matter how clean I know it is

The Time I Built a Bed - Sawin' and Screwin'

This saga began in my previous bed post, in which I dragooned my brother and his clown car small-but-capable lumber-transporting vehicle into helping me pick up 10-foot boards for the construction of this bed. Although I was building it for a full-size mattress, I have big dreams, so I made the frame to accommodate a queen-size mattress. I figured I would probably have a few bruises to show for it as I try to navigate the bed in my room, but it would be worth not having to do this project again when I hit the mattress lottery.

Overall, I am really happy with this project. I was nervous about starting a project that begins with so very much raw lumber, but the materials and tools list in the Instructable are pretty much foolproof. This is a good excuse to invest in an appropriate saw and drill, though, or borrow the best from friends and family. I love the bed because of it's storage space and stability. I wish it were a little shorter, because I can't sit up and watch TV without bumping my head on the low ceiling, and because I don't know where I'll find appropriate nightstands. That sounds like a project for another day.

Anyway, I know I left you with a cliff-hanger - 10-foot boards lying all over my kitchen and dining room, so let's rejoin our regularly scheduled story, already in progress.

After tripping over the lumber for a few days, my vacation started! Everyone else left the house and I got to stay home and haul and saw and screw! Yay! I know the internet lacks a sarcasm font, but you should know that I was literally, without sarcasm or reservation, excited about this day. First thing in the morning, bright and 10:30ish, I finished my coffee and got to work. 

Stuff I used:

• Toolbox Saw - $5 special from Ace Hardware. Luckily, it's not sharp enough to cause the wounds I considered inflicting upon myself when it kept jamming in the board, regardless of the angle or speed of cutting.
• Desk chair - Stable and about the right height, it meant I didn't have to carry the 10-foot boards down to the basement and back up to the bedroom. 
• Vintage corded drill - my dad's from the '70s, on loan from the Bob Sullivan Really Frickin' Old Collection
• Less Vintage cordless drill - on loan from the My Brother Lives Here and Can't Hide His Tools From Me Collection
• #10 pilot bit - Purchased for the occasion 
• Screwdriver bit for the drill - Cannibalized from some other screwdriver set in the basement
• Manual screwdriver - used in a last ditch effort to sink the screws forged by Satan himself before I stripped the heads of each and every last one.
• Wood and screws as outlined in The Plan - I calculated enough extra to make the legs almost 2 feet long, tall enough to slide under a shoe rack and storage bins
• Beer - Purpose will be self-explanatory by the end of the post

Stuff I wish I used:

• A circular saw - to cut the boards and end the existence of the toolbox saw in a rage-fueled death match
• Better quality screws - How does one tell? I don't know, but I sure stripped a lot of them
• Higher-power cordless drill - I kept switching between the dying battery of the cordless and the dainty under-powered corded drill in an effort to sink the screws sometime before dark
• Another person - It would have been worth twice the beer to have someone to commiserate with about the stripped screws and mis-measurements. 

First, I used an old desk chair and the toolbox saw to cut the boards into the correct lengths. And of course, I measured twice and cut once. Of course, it rained, but not enough to keep me from finishing all the cuts in pretty short order.

Tip learned the hard way: Measure before each cut instead of marking all the measurements on a board before cutting. When you cut with a saw, you cut off just enough of the board that your next length will be up to 1/4 of an inch short. 

I hauled all the wood upstairs. Luckily, I will be painting the door frames...and the stairwell...and refinishing the banisters, in a future project, so what's the harm in banging wood into them at every turn?

I laid the 2x4 frame out on the floor. Because these boards are thicker, this is the only part of the project that requires pilot holes before the screws are put in. I believe this was the occasion for my first trip to the hardware store that day. Because with 2 sets of drill bits from 2 different sets, I didn't have the bit I needed. This was the genesis of my "Every Project Requires Three Trips to the F*&$ing Hardware Store" Law of Home Improvement. 

I got the frame screwed together with little incident and checked all the measurements to make sure it was square. On the left edge of this picture, you can see the board screwed temporarily across one corner of the frame to keep it square until enough slats were in place.

I screwed on a bunch more slats at regular intervals, following a set of pencil marks that I drew...and then redrew correctly halfway through the process. It was around slat 3 that I realized the cordless drill didn't have enough battery power, and the corded drill lacked enough god-given power, and my manual screwdriving arm lacked enough muscle power, to drive the screws in quick succession. I changed position a lot, and switched tools often, and said a lot of completely unprintable things.

Eventually, I butted the 2 pieces together for each leg, and attached the legs to the 2x4 frame. Despite following the tips in the Instructable, I do find that the connection between the legs and frame is a little squeaky, but it has gotten better over time.

I was in the home stretch, feeling very confident...until I started stripping screws like it was going out of style. At some point, and it's all pretty much a blur, I made a second trip to the hardware store, but clearly did not come back with anything that made my job earlier. By this time, it was about 3:00 PM and I was starving, sweaty and covered in metal shavings and sawdust.

Finally, it was finished. It looked like this. (Because this is a family blog, I did not include my own rage- and tear-stained face in this particular photographic series.)

I flipped it over (and yes, I made Incredible Hulk noises while I did it) and it looked like this. (This is the point in the photos where you are cordially requested to ignore the crap in the corners of pretty much all my photos from here on out, for the entire future of this blog.

 Then I put the bed together, and it looked like this. Ordinarily, I wouldn't go for a bed skirt that is so matchy-matchy, but I happened to discover an orphaned bed sheet in my possession that was the virtual twin of my wall paint, so it lived there for a while.

If you look carefully in the background of this picture, you will see a sneak preview of four of my upcoming projects.

1. The rocking chair in the corner must someday be repaired and restored to it's pre-Grandpa state. (Grandma carefully stripped it to restore it to the light finish she remembered from childhood, only to have Grandpa surprise her by staining it it's current, mega-dark color. (And yes, she held a 50-year grudge, pretty much. I would, too. Don't get between a woman and the furniture finish of her dreams!)
2. The futon cover hanging from the curtain rod. The first day the sun came up in that window last winter, it was the only large, dark thing I had handy to save myself from vaporizing like a vampire before 8AM on a Saturday.
3. The radiator, which will someday be scrubbed within an inch of its life, scraped and painted in appropriate paint in a hue other than Smoker's Yellow. Then I will lather, rinse and repeat on the 5 other radiators throughout the house. I promise to only take process pictures of one! I swear. (It's like how everyone thinks their babies are so cute and their projects so interesting that everyone is positively glued to the internet waiting for the big reveal. I get that.)
4. The floor! It was once covered by carpet, before I got here. The exposed wood is solid, smooth and filthy. I scratched it a few times with the screws from Prince of Darkness Hardware, which is one reason I would recommend having a second person handy to help you move parts so you don't try to drag them. Someday, not any day soon, I will empty out the upstairs rooms, strip the floors and the stairs and make them soooooo pretty and shiny. 

And there shall be happiness and sunshine throughout the land. 

The End

To Paint or Not to Paint

I just read this article on Curbly about whether painting cabinets is a one-weekend project. Spoiler alert: It's not if you do a good job. No surprise there, but sort of a disappointment.

My kitchen cabinets are...OK. They joined my house in a 1980s remodel, and they are unremarkable. When I upgrade the kitchen, they will be a very low priority. Why is this the only picture I have of my kitchen?

It's not even a picture of my kitchen! It's a picture of how the lumber for my bed was too big to fit in my dining room. I think it's psychological, that I find my kitchen so unsettling that I can't even record it photographically. I impulsively started stripping the ghastly wallpaper and then realized I don't have a single picture of the kitchen as I bought it! I pulled off large, uninterrupted sections and now it is too late. That majestic sight is lost to posterity.

Anyway, I have these dark wood cabinets from the 80s and when I do attack the kitchen (improve lighting, eliminate drop ceiling, paint and please, please, please replace this dizzying floor) I think the cabinets and counters will have to stay for at least a few years. I am toying with the idea of moving the cabinets closer to the new ceiling to open up more space under the counters.

So, do I leave the dark wood there, cleaned and polished? Or do I tackle this painting project? Or do I do something nutty and in-between, like replacing the cabinet doors with something a little more 21st century? The handles go for sure, but what about the doors?

I think it will all depend on how much brighter I can make the kitchen by replacing the single ceiling fixture, raising the ceiling 6 or 8 inches and using a white or yellow paint. Thoughts? Can this kitchen be saved?

The Time I Built a Bed - Planning and Lumber

My bedroom is...modest in size. There is no closet in my room, only a crawl space. I had lived for two years without a box spring or bed frame because of the narrow stairs in my last apartment, so I wasn't daunted by the narrow stairs in the house. I brought my two full-size mattresses and left the box springs behind. For 6 months, I slept on a mattress on the floor. Not terrible, but not the home-sweet-home complete bedroom I was looking for in my first house.

After shopping around for a suitable bed to get my mattress off the floor so I could begin a life of living like an adult, I decided my budget precluded even Ikea furniture. (Even though I love the Hemnes and Malm beds.) And I didn't have the patience to go the Craigslist/thrift route for this project.

So, I decided to build a platform for my bed. Experience? A short stint at Habitat for Humanity taught me to drive screws and cut and measure competently. And my mom and dad passively let me try every craft and construction project I could muster with their limited tools and supplies, so I never fully learned that some jobs are best left to professionals. Lucky for me!

So I hit Instructables and picked out a very simple plan, then made a few modifications.

Despite the low ceilings in my bedroom, and the limited choices about where to put a bed (giant radiator, door, and door to crawl space take up 3 walls), I decided I wanted a bed tall enough to provide lots of storage.

My brother, in his teeny Volkswagen GTI, came with me to the lumber store and stood by patiently while I rattled off numbers like I knew what they meant. (I did know what they meant, after reading the Instructables directions and calculating, calculating and re-calculating my changes to keep this bed low-waste. It's just difficult to sound that confident when you are a first-time shopper in a real-live lumber store.) Then we crammed (I believe) nine 10-foot boards into that poor little clown car.

The plan (my baker's brain wants to call it a recipe every time) called for #3 lumber. These are sort of ugly boards with a certain amount of knot holes and imperfections. These don't affect the sturdiness of the bed and they help keep the cost low. My local building supply place that is not Lowe's or Home Depot only carried #2 and #1 boards, so I had to spend a little more. It was still a big improvement over the warped and rough boards from the big home improvement stores. I spent about $70 on lumber and wood screws of two different lengths.

On the way home, I sat behind Sean so we could run the lumber all the way from the dashboard out the tailgate. The lumber dude looked on dubiously when Sean pulled the GTI up to the door, and then just stood back and appreciated the moment as we slid board after board after board into the vehicle. I held on for dear life as we drove home, as if I could stop those 10-foot planks from sliding out the back of the car if they so chose.

I tried to only hum circus music under my breath, because Sean does not like to acknowledge that he drives a clown car and gets mad when I sing it out loud, even though I mean it with the utmost respect because in what non-clown vehicle could you cram this much lumber and still be able to park in compact car spaces?

No? Still offensive to the owners of compact and speedy cars? OK, then. Noted.

We hauled all the wood into the house.and stacked it up between the kitchen and the dining room, where we proceeded to trip on it for about 5 days until I had a chance to get to buildin'! Looks super convenient, doesn't it?

Starting Vegetable Seeds

It's the first weekday of Daylight Savings Time, so naturally I stopped at my local hardware store for vegetable seeds, starter mix and a seed tray. I try to shop at this tiny place with three parking spaces when I can, even though when I ask the owner if he has a product, he says things like, "Yeah, it's here somewhere," while looking around helplessly until whichever one of us notices it first plucks it out of a heap.

It worked out today because one of the guys there gave me 3 giant pumpkin seeds out of a clear plastic bag hanging on the bulletin board, and rapid fire directions about how to grow THE biggest pumpkins. I'm supposed to plant them May 1st in a pot, or sooner since I have a cold frame this year, so we'll see how that goes.

I started seeds for basil, purple tomatillos and Purple Cherokee tomatoes (notice a theme?). Because - for a change - I am following package directions, I am saving my lettuce, spinach and cilantro seeds until I dig the window boxes out of the shed. The packages say to sow them directly in the ground, but I'm going to take advantage of the boxes and the cold frame (a Craigslist special!) to get them out a little earlier.

My goals for the garden this year, in true Doin'-It-My-Damn-Self fashion (to coin a phrase), is to see what I can figure out about feeding garden plants. It's possible that I have some quality, finished compost down at the bottom of the bin, but I haven't really thought that part of the process through. Marjorie, my trusty compost pile, is never quite full, and I keep adding more stuff to it as it compacts.

Note to self: research what one does after one builds a compost bin and dutifully hauls coffee grounds and forgotten vegetables out there for a year and a half.

My strategy last year was to throw some seeds in to holes and pots, water them whimsically, and grimace at the yellowing leaves in a concerned fashion. Luckily my brother and wife are more conscientious gardening companions, so I got a few vegetables out of that train wreck.

This year, I'm hoping to used what I learned (So far: the soil in my yard is unimpressive, plants require food and pumpkin leaves grow some kind of powdery mold) to grow edible foods. I'll leave you with that cliffhanger until something actually grows.

Will our tomato seedlings take hold this year?
Will our heroine finally find out what Marjorie is hiding?
Will it remain unseasonably warm?
Are there animals living in the shed?

Stay tuned for these answers and more, in the next episode of Doin' It My Damn Self in the garden.